you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
