out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
