I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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