rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
