quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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