Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it was like having sex with a tree stump
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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