Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
third nipple confirmed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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