kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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