idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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