apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
love makes seman taste better
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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