I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize