Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
