So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
