You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
