why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
