My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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