Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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