I didn't shave. On purpose
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
