hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
