dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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