I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
