Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
