You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
