so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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