This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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