cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
