evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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