i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
