my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
