12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
