even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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