did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
