You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
