I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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