:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude i'm inner monologue high
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
