hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Drake has all the answers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize