But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
