Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
