I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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