Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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