I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize