WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
