Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
