Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm going to jail i love you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
