Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
