Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am one with the molecules
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
