Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
