every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
