Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
