im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
