Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
