you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
