This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
