My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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