He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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