..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
