Redeem this text for a blowjob
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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