Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
