I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
