i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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