So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
