The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
