shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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