More tranny stories later!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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