not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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