just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You are a genius and a whore.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
