sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize