I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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