I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Come see our sink grown plant.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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