Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
