so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she looked like the before picture.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
