go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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