you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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