Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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