no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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