Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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