why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
